I dont know what it is..

I'm not quite sure what is going on..but something is. Dane hasn't been acting right since he started this new coaching job. He acts like he doesn't want to talk to me or even be around me. I tell him that when he is home that he needs to spend more time with us..and all he does is go on the computer or watch tv. He doesn't play with his daughter or even act like she is in the room. I don't want to accuse him of something he isn't doing..so therefore I don't know the right way of going about this. But when something isn't right..a person just knows. He acts like he doesn't have to tell me where he is or what he is doing or anything. Like he used to call me on his lunch..for the past two weeks..he calls me either before or after. And then says that I just make a big deal of everything. I'm afraid to ask him anything or say anything to him anymore..all he does is say that I'm making a big deal of things. When I'm just following how I feel. It's like he doesn't want to hear me at all. When he is doing something wrong..I can't say anything..he just bites my head off and blames it on me. We don't talk much anymore, not affectionate much anymore either. Its almost like we aren't even a couple. He does his own thing and prefers at most times that I shouldn't have to know about it. That I should just trust him no matter what..when if you knew what he had done in the past..you wouldn't trust him either. I'm trying to get that trust back in him..I just can't do it alone. He expects me to tho. It takes him to help me here..he is the one who betrayed my trust.
Anywho..
He just called me..and yep..an argument broke out. I tried telling him how I feel..and of course..what did he say? I was making a 'big deal'..well sorry..when I have to tell you to spend time with your own child and family..there lies issues.
~As for my day today~
I need to run to the bank, take my sister home, get my nails done, ..with my own money..since he just bitched that he pays all the bills and can't buy nothing for himself. Then I'm gonna pay the electric and water bill..so that he doesn't have to worry about that either. As soon as I'm done writing this..I guess I'll beg for my job back at Sterling House, even though that dents my pride..just so that he isn't paying everything. Why rub that in my face ya know? I feel bad enough as it is. So busy day today..hope I can get everything done...

New

So, I'm new here. I'm a huge blogger..but recently found out that Myspace isn't the best place for that..so a good friend of mine refered me to this place..so here I am..and I'm gonna give this a shot!
Today hasn't been a very good day for me. Went to run some errands in town today and my car starts to act retarded. It overheated every time I was at a stop light! Then when I went to go again..the temperature went back down again. So I had to turn around and come back home. Dane's work van is in the shop too..and now I'm not sure how he and I are going to do things with just the truck. Guess we will find a way.?
Tonight he starts the new coaching job for wrestling at our school here. He went to college for physical fitness and strength and conditioning. Finally is getting to do something with his degree. Since almost 10 years ago. He owns his own construction company out of the bigger city near us. It makes us good money..but extra never hurts..especially since most people do what we do..lol..when make more money..some how..you tend to take on more bills..and usually..bigger ones.
The only thing that upsets me about this coaching is that he is never going to be home now. I don't like that at all. We have a child under 1 years of age..and its so critical for her to be around her father as much as she can be. For some reason..he always has to find something to occupy his time. When he didn't have this coaching job..he always wanted to do side jobs..like..I begin to think that maybe he just doesn't want to be home.I don't want to tell him he can't do these things tho cuz then he gets mad..or he even gets mad when I bring it up just to talk about it. Like for instance..'you really shouldn't pick up all these extra things to do, Ahlora needs to be around you when you do have the time instead of you filling that time with something else". He would spit back fire and say..'Fine, fuck it..I just wont do it!..and that I never let him do anything" Which is plain bullshit. He takes a weekend vacation every month out of 9 months in the year. Away from us..to go dirtbiking. He goes to indoor arenas, the track that he shares with a friend of his..But I really don't say anything anymore now..cuz all he does is get mad..and thinks I'm trying to take from him..when in reality..all I'm trying to do is give to him..the time with his daughter. She needs that. But when I feel locked in a corner and not wanting to piss him off..I just don't say anything anymore. I'm usually a very blunt person..but now..I'm not sure whats happening to me..I guess I just want to spare him being pissed at me..when honestly.. I think I am right on this. Or maybe I'm not. Who knows. But when he says he never gets to do anything..that just really gets under my skin. Our whole summer revolves around him and his hobbies. Truck and tractor pulls to the harley bike nights, to dirtbiking,..last year he promised we would take the kids on a vacation or even the zoo for that matter..well..we never went. Just like he promised me a 'whole' weekend to Hocking Hills..well..yeah..we went for about 5 hours of a day. Thats it. Promised me that I could see the changing of the leaves..well..by the time we got there..they were already on the ground. Why did we only go one day you ask? Cuz that weekend before..he took his trip down there with the dirt bike first. Is it just me? Or do I bitch to much? Or have a right to bitch?
Well..look on the bright side..he did buy me a new girraffe print purse and some new shoes. Yesterday..
Well..I'll keep ya posted..gonna run off of here for now..felt good to get that out tho..man thats been buggin me!!