A little bit of this year

Well so far this year has been ok. Nothing new and fancy or anything like that..just..'ok'. I've been busy going to the gym again..hopefully I can get to where I want to be..not only because it's healthy..but also because I think it would build my confidence back up again..which I need really badly right now. Dane and I haven't been arguing as bad..but the fights are still there. Mostly now because of the way he speaks to me. Sometimes..he can be so hateful with words. They sting like darts stabbing. I always tell him not to speak to me like I'm a child or stupid..or yell at me like he's coaching me. I hate feeling the way I do. Most of the time I just feel so small. I always tell him that if he loved me, he would'nt talk to me that way. I would just ask him who he is texting..and he would bite my head off. Or ask where he's working at for the day..and again..bite my head off. I'm now beginning to be afraid of what I can and can't ask him. I don't want to be back in this position again. Being afraid of everything. I love this man so so much..why do they always have to change for the worse? For once..can't they just stay the way they were when I meet them? I am beginning to think I was meant to be lonely. Cuz all these broken hearts are putting a nasty taste in my mouth about men.
Yeah, we are getting along right now, but I think its because I shut my mouth most of the time and not say things that will get him going. A huge part of me believes that the only reason he even stays with me is because of his daughter. It's cheaper to keep me for his situation. He owns his own company..and child support would eat him alive. Cuz I really can't think of any other reason on why he is so mean to me and barely acts like he loves me anymore..or that I exist. He doesn't want this thing to be a partnership or anything like that..its almost as if he wants his own life..but control mine at the same time.
On another note..don't wanna upset myself today..

Ahlora's birthday is January 30th. She will be 1 yr old..time flies by so quickly. It seemed like it took forever just getting her into this world. Now she is here..she is growing so quickly. Elaina will be 11 this year..and Ally will be 9. I see the wrinkles around my eyes already..lol. I just feel like I haven't made any real accomplishments as in jobs and finance..I've gone to college..got absolutely no where with getting job because of all the layoffs. Now back at it in the health field..and still can't find one!! I can tell Dane is getting aggravated about me not working. But honestly I am trying!! I can't do anything when noone is calling me back..I've called everyone..put my apps in everywhere..and yet still nothing.
I totally need a vacation!!